How to Make a Relationship Work

How to Make a Relationship Work

Communicate about anything and everything. Have deep and meaningful conversations once in a while. Discuss what's going on in your lives right now, whether social life, school life, or family life, and learn about each other's pasts and childhoods. Celebrate accomplishments, encourage goals and ambitions, and explore each other's values and beliefs. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes, and dreams. Know each other inside and out.
Establish trust on all levels. Mutual trust is founded in respect and loyalty toward each other. Strive to understand and respect your differences. Share and clarify your differing perspectives, and try to empathize with each other's point of view. In some cases, it is better to simply agree to have differences of opinion or your own ways of doing things. Pressuring your partner to do something that they really don't want to do, or neglecting or abusing them (whether emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually) undermines your ability to trust and rely on one another. You should be able to trust each other in everything, keeping private your partner's innermost secrets, fears, and struggles.
Support each other. Be there through the good, happy, sad, and bad times—no matter what. Be willing to provide hugs, kisses, and emotional comfort in all circumstances. If your partner resists your attempts to comfort them and declines to talk about it, you should ease off of the subject and wait until they seem to be in a better mood before returning to it. Feel like you can count on each other; be reliable and loyal, and be emotionally available when you need each other most.
Be completely honest with each other. A truly emotionally intimate relationship requires open and honest communication. Keeping secrets from your partner creates a barrier between you that limits your mutual emotional trust. Honesty can be scary, but if you want your relationship to thrive, then you both need to become comfortable discussing your feelings, insecurities, and frustrations.
Spend time together. Carve out date times for togetherness as a couple. Spend time talking with each other and going out on dates, and doing other relationship-building activities. Really get to know each other and build a connection between you that's strong and enduring. Make an effort to see each other (in-person) and talk on the phone maybe once a day or every few days.
Spend time apart. Be independent and keep your sense of self, never losing yourself or your voice in the relationship. Don't suffocate each other. You should each continue to grow as individuals—not just as a couple. You should have your own space, too—physically and emotionally. Do your own things separately once in a while. Spend time with friends and family, and by yourself pursuing hobbies and other things. Just ensure that no other relationship or pursuit crowds out your partner from being your first priority.
Settle disputes peacefully. Apologize, forgive, and make up with each other. If you threaten to break up with each other after every fight or argument, you will never really resolve anything. Take breaking up off the table. Talk through disagreements as long or as many times as it takes until the issue is resolved and both of you feel comfortable moving forward.
Keep most things private between you two. When your partner shares with you and confides in you (emotionally and physically), resist the urge to disclose sensitive details to anyone without permission. You should treat it as something special, personal and private between you two, out of respect for your partner. A relationship is between two people—you and your girlfriend or boyfriend (or spouse), not anyone else. Don't involve others in intimate matters, however close you may feel to them.
Make continual efforts to maintain your relationship. Work on it. Work hard at keeping it positive, upbeat, healthy, and the very best it can be. Work on it every single day. Whatever you can do to improve your relationship or make it healthier, do it! Try thinking about, and then doing, at least one thing each day that will make life a little easier, brighter, or better for your other half. By challenging yourself to do at least one nice thing for your partner every single day, you stay focused on keeping your love front and center.
Be romantic. Romance is essential to have at least some of the time. Candles, candlelight, compliments, stargazing, watching the sunset or sunrise, fireworks, romantic bubblebaths, showers, and romantic dinners are good ideas. Make some things you do and some places you decide to go to on dates romantic.
Remember that every person, couple, and relationship is different. Don't compare your relationship to anyone else's—not your parents or other family members, friends, coworkers, that couple whose relationship seems perfect, etc. Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, love habits, love routines, and so on. Just focus on you two and making your relationship the best that it can be.
Show affection. Hold hands, kiss, hug, cuddle, snuggle, or wrap arms around shoulders or waists. Become close and really comfortable with each other physically and emotionally. Share every part of yourself (your heart, mind, and soul), not just your body.
Love is an essential. Love is the most important thing for a relationship. There's no "maybe" about love; you should know if you love someone. You enjoy sharing with each other anything and everything, you respect and trust each other, you're always honest with each other, you enjoy spending time and having special moments with each other, the good times outnumber the bad times, you're there for each other, you have great conversations, you're close on almost every level possible, you can balance the time you spend together and the time you spend apart, you can balance the time you do have together on emotional activities and conversations with the physical activities and conversations. You would do anything for each other and protect each other, you're kind to each other and show affection, and you spend time out of choice, not dependency.
Remember that intensity of emotion can ebb and flow over the years. There may be times when you are less aware of your loving feelings, more into your own interests, perhaps things have even become a little routine. Those are the times to remember all the wonderful things you have done together, and still want to do. You choose to feel committed and close, so when you feel yourself drifting or taking your love for granted, plan a romantic date night, do something special for your love, and just remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities he or she possesses that made you fall in love in the first place.
See family as one, not two. Include each other in decisions. One's worry is the other's, because both will be affected by it.

WarningsA relationship should be healthy, caring, loving, kind, upbeat, and positive. It should make your life better. If your life feels trying, upsetting, and worrisome, and even more so when you spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it may be time to reassess.
Infatuation generally lasts for 2 years as studies show. Keep this in mind, and if your relationship manages to be 2 years or more, then chances are you two have something that is more than skin deep.