How to Improve Your Current Relationship

Here is a great exercise for couples to try, which can greatly help enhance the intimacy in your relationship. Start by reflecting on your current relationship. As you think about your relationship notice what thoughts, feelings and sensations arise within. Let them be there, without judging their nature in any way. Then put some attention on your current perceptions of your partner: nice, bad or indifferent. Notice any blaming or limiting thoughts you may have about your partner, or what you perceive to be their shortcomings or character defects.

Now let us give you a splendid gift for your relationship. The gift starts with a recognition that unless they have selected an abusive or chemically dependent partner, our perception of our partner is but a reflection of our own efforts at generating love. Our partner is the ideal mirror who gives us back what they give. When they find ourselves taking an stock of our partner's defects, it is a definite sign that they are avoiding responsibility for what they have created and brought out in our partner. "But you don't understand! They IS..." Alas, they cannot change our partner's character. But they can change the present and future quality of our relationship.

A powerful query to ask yourself is this: how would YOU act toward your partner in case you thought they were the best partner for you in the whole world? That is, imagine that right now (whether you think it or not!) the person you are dating or living together or married to the whole and total embodiment of what you perceive of as the ideal mate for you: the ideal persona, the ideal body, the ideal spiritual practice, whatever would be absolutely ideal for you. Next, think about the way you would act toward this ideal partner.

Would you be attentive? Aloof? Thoughtful? Distant? Affectionate? Sarcastic? Romantic? Crabby? Seductive? Would you rush home and turn on the TV or the computer? What events would you plan? What cards would you write? Make a list of all the things you would do, and how often you would do them. In this tiny exercise lies of the secrets to an everlasting love. The qualities that maintain an alive, loving, healthy intimate relationship over time are not the large gifts or splashy anniversary or holiday presents. , love is enlivened and sustained by the tiny, repeated kindnesses that cost tiny in money or time but a great deal in terms of hard work and thoughtfulness. So you require to unleash the highest loving potential of your partner? It is simple: for thirty days, do everything that you would do for your imaginary ideal partner along with your current partner. Do everything on your list, and do it as often as you would along with your ideal partner. Don't tell your partner what you are doing until a month has passed. By doing this exercise, you will give your partner, as well as your relationship, the best gift they could get. In most cases, your partner will spontaneously start to be more loving and thoughtful in return.

Why does this work? On a metaphysical level, it works because love begets love, and the energy of your unselfish acts resonates in the loving space of your partner. Service is a great spiritual practice, and serving the world begins at home. It also works on a more mundane level: because plenty of of us practice ego-centered love, they withhold and won't give any more until they feel they have received to compensate us for our efforts in advance. Consciously or not, they keep score. But when they visualize that they are with the ideal partner who treats us in as ideal a manner as they could imagine, who intuitively understands our every require, they spontaneously feel like giving, like being loving and thoughtful, because they feel grateful and even blessed to be with this person. This exactly mirrors how they feel when they first fall in love: our heart opens wide, and being loving and thoughtful happens effortlessly. This gives us a amazing vision of what is feasible with this person they barely know.

They keep in mind in the beginning how they acted so lovingly when they felt such strong, intense feelings, and they wait for them to return. And in the event that they don't, they assume we are incompatible, or that this is not the right person for us. The truth, however, is that when the infatuation ends, the actual relationship beings. And in the actual relationship, true loving feelings are created by effortful loving acts, not the other way around. And when both people experience true loving feelings on a consistent basis, by consistently acting in a loving manner, there is no finish to the spiral of affection that can be created. So choose now to give your relationship a gift that truly keeps on giving every day of the year.