Advice for a Good Marriage: Secrets to Living Happily

We've all read the statistics: Fifty percent of marriages finish in divorce. Are the blessed couples who continue to love and lust and live in relative harmony  that -- people whom the fates have lucky? Over Cupid's dead body! Love isn't a gift that gets handed to you; it's a special kind of learned behavior. WebMD consulted the marriage and relationship experts to learn the best advice for a lovely marriage - two secrets to long-lasting love.
"We're born with the capacity to have a happy marriage, but they still must work to create it," says Howard Markham, PhD, co-director of the middle for Marital and relatives Studies at the University of Denver and co-author of Fighting for Your Marriage. "Having a lovely marriage takes schooling," Markham says. "We must unlearn some bad habits and acquire other lovely ones."
Other experts WebMD consulted agree. The couples who stay close and content are the pioneer-spirited among us who share the same secret formula: When issues crop up, they don't give up. they use the following two basic pieces of advice for a lovely marriage that can help every couple live (more) happily ever after.

Listen Up! "Everybody has the necessity to be listened to and fully understood," says Jack Rosenblum, PhD, co-founder (with his spouse of 29 years) of "Loveworks" couples' workshops and co-author of two Secrets of Marriage from the Heart. You require to make your partner feel heard, even if that means pushing aside some anxiety or sitting on your hands  than offering advice when your partner needs to speak. sometimes "mirroring," or basically repeating what your partner has said, is sufficient to let him or her know that you've been listening. For example, say something like, "I understand you're upset because I didn't take out the trash." Or "I listen to that you require to speak about what happened at the office today." Provide facts that you're being attentive to your partner's concerns.

Set aside regular couple time. "Early on in a relationship couples talk as friends, they do fun things," says Markham. "But over time, those ways of connecting adapt." Work, relatives, financial woes, all have a way of overtaking every day life and eroding the sense of fun that brought you two together in the first place. Bring the fun back - even in case you require to schedule it in the calendar one time every week. Sharing a physical activity, like a bicycle ride or a walk around the block, is  lovely for lifting your spirits along along with your heart rate. Activities like going out for an intimate dinner, staying at home and playing music from your college days, or watching a favourite film (will help you both keep in mind why you chose each other. If funds is in short supply, trade off babysitting with a mate and plan a picnic in the park. There are 168 hours in a week: make a dedication to devote at least two of those hours to your marriage every week.

Don't throw things. Of work, you and your partner are not going to agree about everything. But in expressing disagreement to your partner, playground rules apply -- no insults, name calling, or throwing things. "If you disagree, do it in a civil way," says Jack Rosenblum. "Don't make the other person wrong, don't say he's dull. in lieu, say, 'You think they should do this. I have another thought about it.'" If your disagreement appears to be escalating, call a mutually agreed on time-out, and make a plan to continue the discussion after a cooling-off period. Keeping things on a quiet, even keel is better for your blood pressure and your marriage. When in doubt, follow Ogden Nash's sage advice for resolving conflicts:
To keep your marriage brimming
With love in the marriage cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
Whenever you're right, shut up.

Turn up the heat. "If your sex life is diminishing or you're not making love as often as one partner in the relationship would like, then you require to make getting your intimate life back on track a priority," says Markham. "It's ironic that when we're wooing our partners, they make this tremendous hard work, and after they get in to a relationship, they put that on the back burner." think about your partner as anyone you require - and anyone you require to entice to fall in love with you over and over again. "Pay attention to your grooming, be romantic, don't take your partner for granted," advises Markham. "Think about your mate as anyone you require to finish up in bed with at the finish of the evening."

Ask for what you require - nicely. "If there's something you'd like your partner to do, you have three choices," says Rosenblum. "Keep it to yourself and let it fester; bad rap them to your friends; or speak about it. The most suitable choice is to speak about it." How's they supposed to know that you wish he'd bring home flowers or that a back rub would be a dream come true? tell him - basically, sweetly, and directly. Don't drop obscure hints - this is not a check to see if they or they loves you. It's about giving yourself permission to ask for what you require and requesting it lovingly - without accusations or guilt-tripping. If a few weeks go by and you still don't get those roses, have a second conversation. "Gee, I don't know what to make of the fact that I told you I'd love to get flowers one time in some time and you haven't bought any." If they gets defensive and discussion becomes impossible, you might think about seeing a wedding counselor who can offer advice for a lovely marriage. But more than likely he'll explain he's not lovely at buying flowers, they passed a shop and thought about it but didn't know which flowers to buy. tell him roses or daises will do  fine. Most of us -- men and females similar -- don't recognize that even miniscule gestures go a long way to making our mates, and our marriages happy.